The last thing I know that happened when I fell madly and deeply i love was in 1995, I mean I was lost to the world with this fella.
I just came back from UK and was looking at a video of an event that happened while I was away and suddenly there I saw him, Ashwin, I asked my mother who he was and they said he was a new guy in town, and so I rewound the video tape and played it again... till I got a proper glimpse of him and his.
I don't know how we met but once we did, I became friends with him and then all of a sudden I got chickenpox and the midst of this, his father passed away and he had to leave for India, and after coming back, which he did with his mom, I used to go for a walk to his home, where he would be with his mom always as she was lonely and feeling poorly [ as in lonely]. Anyway to make this short, he moved into another house and and we became good friends, and by this time his mom had already left town and gone back to India. I just didn't tell him that I was gay, but we did most of the gay things like holding hands and sleeping together in a non sexual way, although we had baths together and well lots of stuff, were naked with each other and did kiss on cheeks a lot and hugged while we slept. We also spooned although I never felt his hard on and couple of times we did attack each other in a sexual way, meaning we nearly kissed, and i also kept my hand on his thigh whilst driving... now if that wasn't gay of him and all that we did, what was it, and what could I have called my relationship?
I see him on face book but am too chicken to add him and also he is married and also with a kid. I just want to know if he was a closet case or was it my mistake on not to say what I was? Or maybe he wasn't honest enough to own up and say what he was?
I will never know ....
Last week this person I know, came over from Mbeya, as he is works there and although my mind says to get hooked together... and we both are gay, I just find it hard to be myself and to be open with him... and to be honest am not in love, but the thing is, why am I stiff and not making a move? He leaves tomorrow and well... I was supposed to meet him tonite, but then well... anyway, I am just afraid...
of the old times and getting hurt.